Grief isn’t just an emotional experience—it’s a biological event that changes the way your brain functions. When you lose someone you love, your body reacts as if it’s under attack. Your brain chemistry shifts, your nervous system goes into survival mode, and even your memory and ability to focus can feel impaired.

I remember working with Lisa, a mother who lost her teenage son in a tragic accident. In the months after his passing, she told me, “I feel like my brain is broken. I can’t focus. I walk into a room and forget why I’m there. I can’t even remember simple things, like where I put my car keys.” She feared she was losing her mind. But what Lisa was experiencing wasn’t abnormal—it was grief reprogramming her brain.

If you’ve ever felt like grief has changed the way you think, react, or even function, you’re not imagining it. The impact of loss is deeply rooted in brain science. Understanding what happens in your brain during grief can help you be more compassionate with yourself as you heal.

How Grief Changes Your Brain

When you lose someone deeply important to you, your brain perceives it as a threat to survival. The systems responsible for emotions, memory, and even bodily functions go into overdrive. Here’s what happens:

• The Stress Hormone Flood – The brain releases high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, which can cause fatigue, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating.
• The “Fight or Flight” Response – Your nervous system stays in a constant state of alertness, making it harder to relax.
• Memory and Focus Problems – Grief affects the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning, leading to forgetfulness and brain fog.
• Emotional Rollercoaster – The amygdala, the emotional center of the brain, becomes overactive, making feelings of sadness, anger, and fear more intense.

Why Does Grief Feel Like Physical Pain?

Many people describe grief as an actual, physical pain in their chest. That’s because grief activates the same parts of the brain as physical injury. Your body interprets deep emotional loss as real, physical pain. This can result in:

• Tightness in the chest – Often described as a “heavy” feeling.
• Shortness of breath – Anxiety and stress hormones make breathing feel shallow.
• Body aches and fatigue – Your muscles hold onto emotional stress.
• Weakened immune system – Prolonged grief can make you more susceptible to illness.

This is why self-care is not selfish—it’s survival. You have to care for your body while navigating loss, or the physical toll of grief can become overwhelming.

How to Help Your Brain Heal from Grief

Grief changes the brain, but the good news is that your brain can also heal. Here are science-backed ways to support your brain as it adjusts to loss:

1. Regulate Your Nervous System with Deep Breathing

• Practice slow, intentional breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6.
• This tells your brain that you’re safe, reducing anxiety and stress.
• Even five minutes a day can help rewire your brain.

2. Give Yourself More Time for Simple Tasks

• Memory issues and brain fog are normal—don’t rush yourself.
• Use reminders, to-do lists, and phone alarms to help.
• Be patient with yourself—your brain is adjusting.

3. Move Your Body to Reset Your Brain

• Grief keeps stress hormones high; movement helps release them.
• Even gentle exercise—like walking or stretching—can help your brain recover.
• Nature walks have been shown to reduce grief-related stress.

4. Prioritize Sleep, Even When It’s Hard

• Lack of sleep makes grief symptoms worse.
• Try a bedtime routine—turn off screens, lower lights, and listen to calming music.
• If sleep feels impossible, rest your body in stillness.

5. Connect with Others Who Understand

• Isolation worsens grief—your brain needs human connection.
• Talking about your loss helps your brain process emotions.
• Join me live on TikTok, where we talk openly about grief.

You Are Not Broken—Your Brain Is Healing

If you’ve been feeling like grief has changed the way your brain works, you’re not imagining it. Loss is a profound experience that rewires your mind, but healing is possible.

💬 Join me, Sharon Brubaker, live on TikTok, where we talk about the science of grief and real strategies for healing.

📌 Be part of The Grief School Facebook group, where people support one another through the mental, emotional, and physical challenges of grief.

Your brain is not broken—it is grieving. And just as grief changes your brain, love and healing can help restore it.