Grief doesn’t just take away a person you love—it can take away who you thought you were. Losing someone close to you can make the world feel unrecognizable, including the version of yourself that once existed. Suddenly, the roles you played, the routines you followed, and the way you saw yourself are shaken.

I remember working with a woman named Rebecca, who lost her husband after 27 years of marriage. For nearly three decades, she had been a wife, a partner, and part of a team. After his passing, she told me, “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve been ‘us’ for so long—what is left of me?”

Then there was Mark, who lost his mother, the person who always called to check on him, the one who made him feel like he mattered. “She was my anchor,” he told me. “Without her, I feel untethered, like I don’t know where I belong in the world.”

Losing a loved one is more than just the absence of a person—it can be the loss of your sense of self. Who are you now that they’re gone? And how do you rebuild an identity that feels whole again?

How Grief Changes Your Sense of Identity

• You lose roles you once held (spouse, child, caregiver, best friend).
• Your daily routines change—meals, conversations, habits once shared are gone.
• You question your purpose—the meaning you found in relationships shifts.
• You feel disconnected from who you were before the loss.
• Your social identity changes—friendships and family dynamics are altered.

How to Rebuild Your Identity After Loss

If you’re struggling to recognize yourself after grief, here are steps to help you rediscover who you are now.

1. Honor the Parts of Yourself That Remain

• You are still YOU—your love, your memories, your experiences didn’t disappear.
• Your relationship with your loved one still exists in a different form.
• Recognize that loss doesn’t erase the person you’ve always been.

2. Create a New Daily Routine

• Loss disrupts familiar patterns—establishing new routines brings stability.
• Small daily habits (morning coffee, a walk, journaling) can help create structure.
• Instead of focusing on what’s missing, focus on what you can build.

3. Explore Your Interests—Even If It Feels Unfamiliar

• Grief can make everything feel meaningless—start small.
• Try something new: a class, a hobby, a place you’ve never visited.
• Reconnect with old passions—music, art, writing, exercise—things that remind you of who you are.

4. Talk About Your Identity Struggles

• Losing a part of yourself is normal after loss.
• Find a safe space to express this change.
• Join me live on TikTok, where we openly discuss identity shifts in grief.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Grow

• You are not the same person you were before loss—but that’s okay.
• Growth does not mean forgetting. It means carrying love forward.
• You get to decide who you are becoming.

You Are Still You—And You Are Not Alone

If grief has shaken your sense of self, know this: you are not lost forever. Healing is about rediscovering who you are, even in the face of deep loss.

💬 Join me, Sharon Brubaker, live on TikTok, where we talk about grief, identity, and healing with honesty and compassion.

📌 Be part of The Grief School Facebook group, where others share their journeys and support one another.

Grief changes you, but it does not erase you. You are still here. And you are worthy of rediscovering the person you are becoming.