Experiencing a divorce or breakup can hurt more than the death of a loved one. Heal from your grief so your future relationships don’t suffer.

There are few things in life as excruciating as losing our longtime partner to a breakup or divorce. Sometimes we even feel that slight twinge of heartbreak when we see our favorite celebrities grace the covers of tabloids citing “trouble in paradise.” Whether you saw it coming a mile away or were completely blindsided, there is nothing quite like losing a person you committed to spending your life with, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. And when children are part of the equation, the heartbreak is amplified and the damage much more far-reaching.

But as devastating as divorce or a bad breakup can be, not processing the pain and doing the work to heal the hurt parts of you can spill into your future relationships, setting up your future relationships for failure. Further, not working on your own healing can hinder your children’s healing as well. Here are a few things to remember from experienced grief counselors to help you dull the sting of losing your significant other.

1. 1. If you have experienced a bad breakup or a divorce, you are grieving. There is a common misconception in society that you can only be grieving if someone has died. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Grief is a response to loss, and loss takes many forms. You may be experiencing a lot of similar emotions as if you did experience the death of a loved one, but someone doesn’t have to die for you to experience grief. In many ways, the death of a longtime romantic relationship or what should have been a lifelong marriage feels similar or even worse than death. Acknowledging not only that you are grieving, but that you are allowed to grieve, can be the freedom you need to move forward in your healing.

• You have to choose grief recovery if you want to find hope and healing. You may have done nothing to deserve what has happened to you. You may have no control over the situation. If your spouse is done with the marriage, you can’t pull out a magic wand and change the circumstances. You can, however, choose grief recovery for the sake of your future and for the sake of your family. Especially if children are involved, it is more important than ever to take your grief recovery seriously and get the help you need to find hope and happiness again.

• Process your pain so it doesn’t carry over into future relationships or continue to adversely affect your children. What many don’t realize about grief, is it is the culmination of every heartache we’ve ever experienced, and often when tragedy strikes, all of that pain and heartbreak we’ve accumulated over our lifetime comes crashing down on us like a heavy rain with no umbrella. As such, people who don’t process their pain in a healthy way don’t realize they are repressing it, holding onto it, and carrying into other areas of their life, including their future relationships. If you want your future relationships to succeed, you must process your pain and embark on a journey of grief recovery to heal the damage your past breakup or divorce has done. Oftentimes, patients report feeling a weight lifted off of their shoulders, feel overall lighter, and have a sense that the future is not only manageable but exciting. It all starts with your choice to turn your pain into purpose.

Healing After a Divorce is Possible

If you have gone through a devastating divorce, or if the divorce took place years ago and you are still struggling to find joy, you are not alone. We see you, we know you’re hurting, and want to offer you a safe place to share your story and feel supported in your healing journey. Contact us today to set up a free discovery call and spend some time with us – we’re here for you. 

Sharon Brubaker is a certified Life Coach and credentialed Grief Specialist who, along with her team, teaches women who are grieving how to process their thoughts and emotions. To learn more about navigating grief within the family, listen to the full podcast episode here or download my free e-Book, The Griever’s Guide, which equips you with the tools to live life after grief; because no griever should have to navigate a broken heart on their own.