Grief is painful. It’s messy, unpredictable, and sometimes unbearable. And because of that, many people do something that feels easier in the moment: they avoid it.

They distract themselves with work, social media, endless errands, or mindless TV. They push down their emotions, telling themselves they’re “fine.” They avoid places, people, or conversations that remind them of their loss. But grief avoidance doesn’t make the pain go away—it just delays it.

I once spoke with a man named James, who lost his wife suddenly. In the weeks after her passing, he filled every moment of his day with tasks—cleaning, reorganizing, fixing things around the house. He avoided their bedroom, their favorite restaurant, even songs that reminded him of her. “I thought if I kept busy, the grief wouldn’t catch me,” he admitted months later. “But it did. And when it hit, it was worse than I ever imagined.”

Avoiding grief doesn’t protect you—it traps you in it. It keeps the pain just beneath the surface, ready to break through at any moment. Healing only happens when we allow ourselves to face the grief, instead of running from it.

Signs You Might Be Avoiding Grief

• Overloading your schedule to avoid being alone with your thoughts.
• Numbing the pain with alcohol, food, or other distractions.
• Avoiding reminders—not looking at pictures, not talking about your loved one.
• Feeling stuck—never fully processing the loss but never moving forward either.
• Dismissing your grief—telling yourself “It’s not that bad” or “I should be over this by now.”

How to Break the Cycle of Avoiding Grief

If you’ve been avoiding your grief, it’s never too late to face it in a way that feels safe and manageable. Here’s how to start:

1. Allow Yourself to Remember

• Take small steps—look at a photo, listen to a song, visit a place that reminds you of them.
• Acknowledge the emotions that surface—without pushing them away.
• Your loved one mattered. It’s okay to miss them.

2. Talk About Your Loss

• Avoiding grief isolates you. Speaking about your loved one keeps their memory alive.
• If talking feels too hard, write about them, journal, or join a support group.
• Join me live on TikTok, where we have real, open conversations about grief.

3. Let Yourself Feel—Even If It’s Uncomfortable

• Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. Sit in silence if you need to.
• Grief doesn’t follow rules—there is no “right way” to mourn.
• Suppressing grief only makes it come back stronger.

4. Create a Grief Ritual

• Light a candle in their memory.
• Write letters to them, expressing what’s in your heart.
• Carry forward something they loved—volunteering, a hobby, a tradition.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Heal

• Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting—it means carrying their love with you.
• Your grief doesn’t define you, but how you process it will shape your journey.
• Healing doesn’t mean leaving them behind. It means finding a new way to hold onto love.

You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

If you’ve been avoiding your grief, I want you to know you don’t have to do this alone. You deserve a space where you can talk, process, and heal without judgment.

💬 Join me live on TikTok, where we talk about grief in a way that’s real, honest, and healing.

📌 Be part of The Grief School Facebook group, where people just like you share their grief journeys and support one another.

Grief doesn’t disappear when we ignore it—but when we face it, we find healing, connection, and love that never fades.