Tragedy Happens.
Something horrible happened and you’re not coping.
cop.ing
/’kopiNG/
to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner: After his breakdown he couldn’t cope any longer.
Coping means to face or deal with your problems or difficulties. Coping is a learned technique.
We typically do not come to a grieving experience with the ability to handle them and get
through the brokenness right away. I did not know what to do when our first loss occurred.
It would be so amazing if in the 6th grade we all took the class called “How to
deal with grief, loss and a broken heart”. This class would come complete with a book that you
could take with you for the rest of your life. I never took that class. I don’t know about you but
I do know that I was never given this book. ~ Here is the deal:
What is Grief?
- Grief is normal
- Grief is natural
- Grief is a broken heart
- Grief is not in your head
- Grief hurts
- Grief is a part of our human experience
Let’s start at start at the beginning:
- Coping with loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges
- You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed
- Know that this will hurt
- You cannot go around acting like there is nothing wrong it will not go away
- Don’t try moving on and forgetting. This will not work. You cannot run from it
- If you don’t cry this does not mean you are handling it well
- We were not given instructions on how to deal with it.
- There is no timetable for grieving
Tips for Starting Your Coping Process:
- You must acknowledge that your heart is broken
- Accept the grief as it shows up. Allow the grief in. Don’t fight against it.
- Understand that your grieving process is unique to you.
- Seek out support from people who will support you. Most importantly people that will listen to yo
You may experience all or none of the following:
- Lack of focus
- A zombie like state (feeling like you are in a fog)
- You may be over-eating
- You feel like you cannot sleep
- You may not have an appetite at all
- You may feel like all you want to do is sleep
- Your emotions may be up and down ranging from unpredictable crying episodes to intense anger episodes
- Intense Anxiety
- Telling and retelling your story of your loved one and their death or any other loss
Any Other Loss: We do not just grief over death. Grief is the overwhelming sadness that we
feel in our heart. We know that there are over 45+ losses that can cause a grieving experience in our hearts. This is a sample list. In no particular order:
- Divorce or breakup of a romantic relationship
- Pet loss
- Loss of health
- End of a drug addiction
- Being fried from work
- Childhood hurts and pains
- Miscarriage
- Change in school
- Serious health problems
- Financial problems
- Bankruptcy
- Infertility
Even a small loss can trigger your grief. Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you. So, don’t feel ashamed about how you feel. Remember that this is your heart. Allow your pain. Lean into your pain. If you have to go into your room and cry it out. Talk to someone you feel safe with. These are the very first things that you can do to help you cope.
Doing nothing. Will not make this go away. Time alone will not heal your heart. It did nothing for me. ~ Sharon
